I'm tempted to tell officers of the American Family Association what I did with a feather duster from WalMart, and watch their heads explode. ;-)
Women's Sex Tip #34: Avoid Wal-Mart Like The Goddamn Plague
Wal-Mart will begin obscuring the covers of women's magazines like Cosmo and Glamour in its checkout lanes, just a month after pulling men's rags from its shelves over their racy content. Women's fashion mags often tout sex tips and can feature revealing photos of models and celebs, oh my god gasp say it ain't so who pray who will save the children. Given how Wal-Mart's customer base consists largely of people who haven't seen their own toes much less the business end of a juicy well-lubed pink bunny vibrator, well, ever, and given how their kids are undoubtedly and pudgily numbed to ultimate consumer mindlessness by the insane array of shiny crap landfill Wal-Mart merchandise and all the toy guns and real guns and frantic overlit soul-crushing screaming in-store marketing ploys, well, God forbid they actually see the word "sex" in print or glimpse a picture of a lithe Photoshopped Charlize Theron lest they begin to think there is life outside their tiny repressed linoleum sub-worlds of angst and video games and odious TV and ten-gallon tubs of Cheez Puffs. Both moves were supported by the cute little sexless puling culture slugs over at the American Family Association, based in Tupelo, Miss, which pretty much says it all. The group had complained that the magazines were inappropriate in checkout lanes and instead preferred featuring more wholesome family material like "Better Homes And Jerky Smokers" and "Guns & Crock Pots" and "Truck Humper Monthly" and "Deep Fried Pot Pie!"